I hope this post does not offend anyone.
15) Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?
My uncle. He passed away on my 24th birthday. My father did not play an active role in my life growing up and unfortunately was not there when my mother gave birth to me. My uncle was there. So it only made sense when he passed on my birthday, life and death. He struggled with demons in his younger years and brought that into many of his relationships. His younger children(my cousins) became very controlling as a result of their father’s earlier life. Although my uncle remarried and turned his life around there are negative behaviours he left with his children which they took out on me. I resented him for that. The last conversation we had I was extremely rude to him and he had no idea why. I wanted to tell him that he ultimately hurt me too but I just didn’t know how. When he passed, broken relationships where mended except between an uncle and a niece. I would have told him that his ways affected me too and that till this day they affect me. I would also apologize for my behaviour.
Niece: You were abusive and in turn caused your children to become abusive in other ways
Uncle: what do you mean? What are you talking about?
Niece: they have hurt me and they are this way because you hurt them. So you hurt me too. I’m older now and you’re no longer my moon and stars. I see you as a man, flaws and all. I understand how they are the way they are, but I don’t want to be subjected to their abuse anymore.
Uncle: (making excuses)
Niece: I’m sorry I was rude to you before. I had this hurt on my chest that I didn’t know how how to get off. My father ignited it and I saw him in you. You both are supposed to protect me, not abuse and neglect me.
16) If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?
1. My children’s bible
2. My body butter – new business venture
3. a copy of my first magazine issue
4. my old blackberry
5. a pair of my favorite heels
6. a bottle of El dorado rum
7. A few albums (Jcole – Born Sinner, Drake – Take Care(not Nothing Was The Same) and Emeli Sande – Our Version of Events
8. Acts of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant
9. A pic of my family and I
10. A list of my current goals
My diary is my real time capsule, so glad I keep them.
11) Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date
I haven’t dated much. But I can say that I have had a very awkward date once.
He came to pick me up and had all these plans, unfortunately on his way to my house, he lost the reservations for dinner due to an intimate party the restaurant neglected to inform him about. Or so he says….So I decided to arrange the date myself. I called a friend who worked at a restaurant on a busy Saturday night, she pushed us to the front of the line and got us seats in under 10 minutes. She gave us a discount on the meal and a free dessert. Maybe it emasculated him as I had to maneuver the date myself….who knows. But after that his interests dwindled. During dinner they turned on the TVs in the restaurant, well…so much for my sexy tight sweater dress. He barely could take his eyes of the tele. I sat there and ate my dinner while texting who knows who! After that he dropped me home and I never heard from him since.
Grown ass man like him had a nose ring anyways…not my thing.
Very weird, but hey…it could have been me. Nah, I’m great!
8) Five things that are most important to you in a future mate
I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday so I’ll be answering two questions today. Brace yourselves!
6) Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”
I agree with this statement but I think she can only have the love life she wants based on what she knows. If she has been nurtured to see negative relationships, she tends to follow those patterns until she becomes conscious of those bad habits. A 21 year old will experience relationships differently than a 31 year old because she is inexperienced. Now if a 31 year old is still having the same issues she did as a 21 year old then she’s just dumb. She deserves growth and much more. So she owes it to yourself to do better and have better and to truly have the love she wants!
As for me, check my last post about sinlge-life sex 😉
7) Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point
This is a tough one for me, the emotions run deep. So bare with me.
Currently, I work from home. I am the Editor in Chief of my own Magazine, The COCO Magazine. I’m an entrepreneur, content curator and business woman. I love what I do and thank God for this opportunity and gift every day. I am single.
Where I thought I would be?
I had plans, I have plans, I envisioned them on a regular basis. At 25, I’m supposed to be living on my own, in a condo with a dog and have my own car. I’d be working at a corporate PR company handling big deals and clients. And a couple years later I would move to the Caribbean to start my own PR company or do contract work for a few companies in the Caribbean, enabling me to travel. I envisioned what my home would look like, the lifestyle I would have and of course the man who would be right by my side. I have none of that. It has been the most frustrating thing in my life thus far. It has me very emotional at times. What that does to a person….it breaks your soul. I’m not even going to talk about my finances *eyes closed*. My cousins and I are very close, cousin #1(Twin) and Cousin #2(Partner). Twin recently graduated from Law School and got a job out in the city where she studied. She now has a job, a condo and a new car. I had to help her condo shop, could you imagine the amount of strength I needed to do that?? Partner, just recently bought a brand new car and she hasn’t mentioned it to me yet and she’s going backing school. It’s not jealously…I’m not envious. I’m happy for them, but I’d like to be happy for myself also. I’m not comparing situations, because we’re all different. But this is not where I thought I would be and I have to watch others hit the milestones I planned for. The things I mentioned above are all acquisitions, things that we think bring value to who we really are and I shouldn’t let those things define my goals, visions and current state of being, but it does.
I’m very conscious of my mind state and I try to remove these negative thoughts in order to grow and achieve new goals for myself.
You can never grow until you are content with where you are anyways.
5) The biggest misconception you think people have about single life
The biggest misconception is that we’re lonely. That we’re ultimately crying and dying for someone to fill the void. How about, we like the down time and freedom to chart our own course…never thought about that huh?! And it doesn’t mean that we’re selfish. Maybe we’re working on being self-FULL! There’s a big difference!
And then the other misconception is, they think we’re not having sex. Umm, single-life sex is probably one of the best kinds of sex you’ll ever have! Just saying…
Let’s not judge, that single person might actually be content with their bottle of wine, vanilla candles and handy yet steady vibrator or steady yet handy single-life sex partner!
3) Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome
Last year I went back home to St. Vincent and the Grenadines for a couples weeks. I hadn’t traveled for about 2 years because I was in school. I traveled on my own with no cares in the world…one of the best experiences and best trips thus far in my life. I was free, I felt free. I was happy, I was full of joy. I couldn’t wait to see my family and friends and relax and listen to the sounds of my beautiful island. I didn’t check in with anyone, I answered to myself. I met new people, formed new relationships and was feeling unstoppable. Things in my life were aligning and I was completed centered. I experienced that with no man, no boyfriend, and no play thing.
When I travel it represents my journey through my personal life. I learn more and grow much quicker. I made the mistake once of traveling to see a man. Let me just say this, I learned a lot and saw a lot! Traveling solo with no attachments enables me to grow and become stronger. When I find someone who gives me the room for that process to happen, then I know I’ve find the right one. Don’t get it confused, I’m not saying we’ll break up so I can travel and frolic! I’m saying if we can travel together and I have the room to explore my own personal journey while with him…that’s pretty freakin’ awesome. Then again, isn’t that how we create balance in relationships? Isn’t that how we create successful relationships?